Can You See the Divine in Yourself?

The story of the transfiguration makes me wonder what Jesus knew and when he knew it.

I mean, when he got up that morning, did he know it was going to be an outstandingly spectacular day? Was the transfiguration on his 'to do' list? Or, were they out hiking and enjoying the beauty of the day when suddenly this crazy event happened? We know the disciples were amazed at the sight. I wonder what Jesus' own internal felt experience of the event was? What did he see, hear, and feel?

I wonder because while I believe that Jesus was both human and divine as the church teaches us, I am not sure what he himself knew of  his divinity. I can imagine that he would have grown into his understanding of what his relationship with his father was. Days like his baptism and the transfiguration must have been peak moments of knowing of his father's love for him in a most unique way. What did he do with that? What did that feel like to the carpenter's son?

As we move into this Lenten season is the question we ask ourselves really that different? How in touch are we with the Father's love for us? Do we recognize that we are God's own sons and daughters and thus have a spark of the divine in us? What does it feel like to recognize that just as the Father called Jesus his beloved son....he says the same to us, about us...

Most days I know I don't feel like that. Last Sunday night at Vespers, Sr Carol Perry invited us to use this Lenten time to change our hearts. Yes we need to repent, but frankly, (she said? I heard?) it's a given that we are all sinners....God knows that already, and loves us anyway. Our Lenten task is to change our hearts. To believe that we are loved by God and to act like it! How are my actions different if I start from a place where I believe that I am God's beloved?

If I believe I am God's beloved I think I am much more gentle with  myself and with the world around me. I stand firm in my purpose, to be the change for good I want to see in my world, with a sense of peace that the world cannot shake.

If I believed in the good that God sees in me...wow...what would that feel like? What about you? What in you needs to be transformed this Lent?

When do I feel like the leper?

The person who is outcast has come up rather frequently in the last few Sunday Gospels, whether it be the person with the unclean spirit or this weeks' leper.  For some reason, my attention has been caught by the idea of how the leper might be feeling, as one who is outside the community, trying to find a way back into his family, his friends, his place of worship.

In a perfect world we all feel welcome in the circles we inhabit, most of the time.  But where is that perfect world? Most times when I hear these Gospels, I feel badly for the poor leper, the outcast, who is shunned by their loved ones through no fault of their own. I feel pity for the other.

Oddly enough, today I feel like 'the other'. If I dwell on this too much, I can start my own pity party. I can feel like no one understands me, no one loves me, that I'm being punished for something I have no clue about. Maybe I'm just tired of being cold for so long, that it's seeping into my soul. I am longing for the warmth of the sun to shine on me and brighten both my outlook and my heart.

Today I remember my dad who went home to God 19 years ago. This morning as I walked across the park the sun was shining brightly on the trees and seemed to shine right on my face. I stopped several times to feel the warmth and imagine my dad watching over me today, sending me a special message of his love. Sometimes that's all you need to feel less alone, some small sign that you are connected to the larger universe.

Where do you find your connection to God? To the greater story of who we are as a people of faith? As we get ready for Lent, for the coming of Spring, what gives you hope? I pray that each of us, like the leper, actively look for ways to stay connected to our sisters and brothers in faith, today and always.

How is Life this Busy?

  

I really don't understand how for months I have just been too busy to collect my thoughts to share a bit of reflection on a weekly basis. I couldn't even tell you what I've been doing. I've been busy, sure, with all sorts of things that are seemingly very important. It saddens me to think that I'm not being faithful to prayer and reflection. And so, here I am to start again. Sort of like dieting, right? Every day is a new opportunity to make good choices. I choose to be mindful of how God is trying to reach out to me in the days I am given.
These are the things I would like to be busy about: dreaming, living simply, loving, laughing and being grateful.

I had to chuckle when I read the first reading: Job is the picture of a person who needs a vacation! All of life is drudgery and he can't get out of bed in the morning. Does that sound familiar some days or what??

And the demons make an appearance in the Gospel again this weekend.  Between casting out demons Jesus has time to heal Peter's mother in law. This is a man who knows what its like to be busy in ministry! I really have nothing to complain about, I know. It helps to know that Jesus understands when I can't seem to remember where I am, what the next thing is, or try to open my home door with my work keys.
I absolutely love that Jesus went off to that lonely place to pray. I know I need more of that in my life. In these days leading up to Lent I want to give myself the gift of quiet time. How or where I don't know yet, but I'm going to look for it. What about you? Do you need quiet too?