A Gracious Heart

What is there to say today but "Thank you"!

I want to start a new tradition in my family where we each take time to put on paper exactly what we are grateful for on this Thanksgiving day in this particular year. I think that's important because, each year we will be in a different place at least emotionally, and our hearts will be grateful for different things. Of course, this means I need to remember to bring the same notebook each year to record our thoughts...no pressure there!!

Aside from the obvious thankfulness for the love and craziness of my family, especially my nieces and nephews, and that of my friends...(especially that Jersey crowd!!) I think this year I'm grateful for the ways I can see I have grown. I'm not so afraid, still a little, but not lots. I'm more content. More peaceful. More grounded. I think I have learned to trust that God really is in charge and will take care of me, better than I can take care of my self. From that awareness comes the ability even at this point in my journey to dream new dreams. To wonder what comes next? What the heck does God have in store for me next year? And to think about that excites me. To imagine what the future holds for all I love, but especially those adored nieces and nephew...well, that just is amazing.

There is sadness in thinking of the friends I've lost this year. But I know, beyond all knowing that they are at peace, and I am so grateful for that belief. I rejoice with friends who are expecting new life in their families, and with those who are nurturing little ones on their path. I am grateful I still get to play with the kids at church just like when I was a teen ager in my home parish.

My life feels complete.

For that, and for you, I am most grateful.

Hope and Peace

It happens every so often that our liturgical readings really and truly reflect what is going on in our world. Wow, is that ever true these days...as we see in the news all around us terror and threats and mayhem and destruction. Our readings reflect that as well, we call these the 'end times' readings...filled with images of what the world might be like when the Son of Man comes.

As I look closely at this Sundays readings I am surprised. I keep thinking I should see something that frightens me, but what I see in all three readings are words that describe how awesome our King is! Dreams speak of dominion and glory, and countries proud to serve Him. Psalms speak of splendor and strength of holiness and trust. Revelation speaks of faithfulness and power and John reflects Jesus' passion for Truth. I don't see fear here. I see hope.

And hope is what I need.

I was on the subway today, for a longer than usual commute. My goodness! In the space of the time it took to go 4 stops I witnessed three occasions where strangers were actually yelling at each other. I don't scare too easily after 20 some odd years living in Manhattan, but I was a little nervous. I didn't know if things would escalate or get out of control. I didn't know why people were so cranky. Then I remembered everything that we've been seeing in the news and prayed...Oh dear God, we have every right to be cranky...we're scared...of the unknown crazy person out there who will do something awful.

So how do we live with that fear? I don't know. But I know I'm not going to hide. I'm going to take a deep breathe, pray more for sure, and try to treat others better...and continue to live the life God gives me. Each day. I hope being aware of God's care for me, will make me better able to love the ones around me, and be patient with those who are afraid.

We need to be people of Hope and Peace.  Please, God, help us all.

My words last forever

In the Gospel this weekend Jesus says "heaven and earth will pass away but my words will last forever". Somehow, on this bleary Thursday, this comforts me. I know the readings at this time of the year are all about the 'end times' and generally serve to unnerve me a bit...but today, not so much, probably because of how my week has gone.

I was very fortunate this past Sunday - Tuesday to join a group of certified directors and coordinators of Religious Education in the Archdiocese of NY for our annual Wisdom Gathering. OK, let me stop you right now and clarify that 'certified' means we've all gone through a certain course of study to improve our skills, not the other kind of certified..like at Bellevue...! Stop snickering!
In any case, a few days away, quiet, prayer, study of scripture with Sr. Carol Perry, a bit of laughter and friendship was truly life giving.

I came back from this event into an amazing evening of parish community building...a group of 31 folks from the parish who really didn't know each other all that well, went out to dinner together just for the fun of it! What a great night! And really, what a terrific way to take the church out of the church and bring it into the neighborhood! Thanks to Charlie and Maria who took such excellent care of us at Lexington Pizza. Tuesday evening was table fellowship at its best.

But then, Wednesday was amazing. While everyone else took the day off, (thank you to all the Veterans who are such an example of loving service), I had the opportunity to take 8 of our young people on a special confirmation retreat out at Bishop Molloy Retreat House in Jamaica, NY. I don't know these kids all that well. What a delightful day with a bunch of polite, funny, thoughtful and kind young people. But here's when they stole my heart...

The retreat team had provided an opportunity for the sacrament of Reconciliation for the students. As we went into chapel I explained to them the time was theirs if they would like to receive this sacrament. I expected some hesitation. I expected questions. What happened next blew me away...they couldn't wait to go! They were so anxious to be 'next' on line...and so sincere in their approach to this sacrament. How could I be the ONLY one NOT to go...those kids actually shamed me into going to confession!! I couldn't believe it.

So, after lunch when we were talking about how people give witness to their faith, it gave me great pride to share with them how their example of wanting to go to confession pushed me to receive the sacrament I so often shy away from. I could tell them what a great witness they were to me. I will never look at those 8 teens in the same way again. I am so grateful to God for their witness to me yesterday in so many simple ways.

So, among all the things Jesus said I hold onto his command to  love, respect and welcome his 'little ones'. Those words will forever be with me  I promise I always will. They have so much to teach me.

Giving and Trusting

Two of the three readings this weekend talk about widows and their generosity. I feel guilty. I'm not that generous. I work hard for the paycheck I receive and I try to stretch a dollar pretty far to pay bills and spoil nieces and nephews. When I wonder what God is asking of me as I listen to these readings, I think...I've given up so much already, according to societal standards...what more do you want from me?

I should never ask that of God...because the answer is always the same...God replies very simply, "Jayne, I want it all..." Oh man....I'm in trouble.

How did she do that, the widow of Zarephath? She had only enough to feed her child and herself and yet she shared the little she had with a stranger? How does the widow give away the tiny bit she had to live on, in a society that had no regard for her as a widow...how could she risk giving her last pennies as a tithe to the temple? How would they take care of themselves after they gave it all away?

Oh...
Maybe there's a lesson in trust for me here...

If God truly wants me to give all I have away...metaphorically, literally, and any other way, maybe the way I can do that is if I trust God to take care of me when I have nothing. I can spend the next 20 years worrying about who will take care of me when I can't work anymore...or I can trust that in my old age, God will provide. I can worry about how will I  afford a new car when this one breaks down, or I can trust that God will show me a way...and maybe mass transit is a better option for me some days. I can worry about paying the bills, or I can believe another when it is said "I'll help you." How hard it is to ask for help, believe in help, trust in help...it's easier to try and do it all myself.

So, maybe when I hear these readings this week I need to remind myself that it is about more than giving...as important as that is...for me at least, it's about trusting, on every level, that when I need help, from my God, from my friends, from my family...that I will find help. And I probably won't even need to ask, because it will be offered out of love.

I need to trust.

What shall we become?

I've prayed a lot with the Beatitudes lately, and recalled some really important funerals, my friend, my Dad, where this was the reading chosen as the Gospel. It gives me comfort and hope, and for that I am most grateful.

Today I am caught by Paul's words in the second reading..."We are God's children now, what we shall be has not yet been revealed."  It makes me wonder what plans God may still have in store for me. As the winter darkness approaches, as days get shorter and colder and my whole being wants to hide under the covers until it's warm again...I wonder...could there be new dreams still in store for me? Does God have more still for me to do? How will I know what path I should travel next?

These two quotes by amazing women were shared with me last week:

You have created me. What do you want me to do?   Teresa of Avila

I am not afraid. I was made for this.    Joan of Arc

I must admit, even typing that quote from Joan frightens me...I am not that brave, at least I don't think I am...so when I ask God what does He want me to do...it is with a bit of trepidation...because, I live a pretty simple life and I'm not sure I'm courageous enough for something big and different.

But, Paul says, 'what we shall be has yet to be revealed'...so maybe there is more in me than I know.

As we head into November and a cold winter...I give myself over to the hope that God knows what he is doing in my life...I just have to trust and listen to his call.

Do we REALLY want to see?

This past week in our Monday Religious Education program, the youngsters spent some time 'breaking open' the Sunday scriptures. At the end of the session, I asked the children to tell me something they had learned, or something they hoped for....it was wonderful to listen to them tell me what they had learned about the 'blind man' and how Jesus helped him. It was even more amazing to watch their catechists face shine with pride and happiness as she realized that she had helped the Gospel become real for these children. It was a great way to end a Monday afternoon.

As I look at the story of the blind man this afternoon, I am caught as I often am, by the question and answer exchange between Bartimaeus and Jesus. Why would Jesus ask, "what do you want me to do for you"? Wouldn't it be obvious that a blind person would want to see? What else could he possible desire? And so his answer reflects that..."I want to see"!!

I wonder, now that he CAN see...WHAT does he see? What is he looking for? Is he glad he can see? Is he disturbed by what he sees?

What about us? If we are men and women who take the words of Jesus to heart, how do we see the world around us? Do we see God's love and care evidenced in nature and relationships and sunrises and warm embraces? Do we see God's challenge to us in the homeless and the poor and the forgotten? What do we see when another police officer is shot and killed? What do we see when another house burns down in a poor neighborhood?  Maybe more importantly...what do we DO, with what we see? Are we moved to prayer? To action? To the desire to work for change in an unjust world?

Sometimes I have to wonder...do we really want to see or would we rather be blind to the issues that haunt us and challenge us? What do you think?

No Regrets

I usually take this time to reflect a bit on the readings for the upcoming weekend, but, today I digress a bit.

First, my compliments to our music director on HIS music blog! He was the one who showed me how to start this whole blog thing, and my goodness, his blog is quite inspiring! Thanks Jim for the uplifting words and thoughts this week on discipleship. We all need to be encouraged to go outside ourselves and be men and women of faith and action.

Secondly, I am glad to notice that I am more excited and less nervous about our upcoming Religious Education classes this weekend. Our kick off weekend was really terrific and it's been great meeting and getting to know all our families new and old. I really hope to invite many families to make the ministries of the parish their own: music, hospitality, serving...the parish really does need and want all members to find a place where they are happy to serve. I hope together we can make St Francis more vibrant and vital in our neighborhood.

I find myself in quiet and stillness remembering the life of a very special woman who passed away this week. Anne was an amazing, honorable woman who I was graced to know for the last 15 years. She was fun, loving, kind, thoughtful, virtuous, and so many other things...and she was my friend. She's been sick for a long time, never complained about her illness or fell into the 'why me'? trap...She bore her suffering with dignity.

When time was getting short I asked her if there was anything else she would like to do while she still could...? Was there anything left undone or any place she wanted to see or go? Her answer humbled me...there was nothing left that she needed to do or see, no loose ends, no regrets...she was content with her life and at this point wanted nothing more than to have dinner with her friends.

I am in awe of the idea that she could get to the end of her life and have no regrets, have everything settled. She was at peace with her God and with the world.

So, my reflection this weekend is quite simple, I wish the same for myself and for all of you. That we find the wisdom to live our lives, each day until the end with no regrets.

Pray for us Anne!