Are You Ready for a Covid Winter?

 How lucky are you? You're about to read a 'sneak preview' of an article that will next appear in our parish's January Newsletter. There's been a lot of coverage in the news lately about how adults and children are struggling to cope with the depression and anxiety that is becoming overwhelming as we move into winter months. We thought it would be beneficial to share this information with you sooner rather than later.

We are blessed at St Francis to have as one of our family, Dr Michael Fraser, who is a clinical psychologist in our community. In the following article he shares with us strategies for coping with the emotions that may come with the cold, dark,winter months in front of us. We also discuss how faith and prayer can be a balm to our weary souls.  

Entering Into the Winter with Hope

Science has shown that sunshine does much to improve our mood, our mental health.  As we move more deeply into these winter months, it seems wise to look for new ways to keep ourselves emotionally healthy as the days get colder, darker and for some of us, more difficult to manage.

Since last March we have been living in the shadow of Covid19. The effects of this worldwide pandemic, it’s sheer magnitude, how it’s changed what ‘normal’ is for all of us, is beyond our understanding.

Dr Michael Fraser, parishioner, dad, and clinical psychologist, joins us in this article to help give us some tools that might be useful as we wait out these winter days, in hopes of a new springtime yet to come.

Acknowledging that we are living in a time of uncertainty, understanding our stress and frustration is a good place to start, says Mike. The image of a backpack filled with bricks is helpful to visualize how anxiety can build up for us. Normal nuisances of every day can magnify to such an extent that our backpack can get way too heavy to carry. 

I talk to my kids, my patients and my students every week about being mindful of the seemingly ‘little’ things that can add up over the course of a day. For instance, on a personal note, street parking used to be more manageable...not so easy these days! Worrying about people standing too close without wearing a mask covering their mouth AND nose...what a bummer! I used to be able to teach my classes in a room full of students with whom I could interact ...now I have to separate my students, log on, fix WiFi issues, ask people to “mute” and “unmute” just to have a simple conversation...not so simple anymore. Each of these are bricks that end up in my bag by time I get home! 

If we take the time daily to acknowledge stress and ‘unpack our backpack’, that will go a long way in helping us cope. Moreover, it helps if we can ‘accept’ the fact that, as long as we are under the shadow of this pandemic, these same stressors will rear their heads. We call this “mindfulness.” If we don’t do this, the bricks will build up, our bags will get heavier and we will begin to show signs of irritability, fatigue, and our ability to manage the typical stresses of daily life becomes compromised. 

The mental health impact of COVID-19 centers around two main things: loss and worry. When we lose something important (e.g., a job, time with family, important life celebrations like graduation or birthdays without our friends, or simply a general sense of normalcy), we can expect to experience some form of depressive reaction. When things are uncertain (e.g., When will school return to normal? Is it safe to eat out? When can I visit and hug my extended family members again?), we can expect to experience anxiety. It’s important to know that depression and anxiety share many signs and symptoms, including but not limited to: sleep difficulties, poor concentration, irritability, quick temper, loss of motivation, and a desire to escape, which often happens through excessive use of negative coping activities (e.g., alcohol/substance use, video gaming, constant smartphone use). 

Jayne Porcelli: What strategies can we employ to help us cope with our feelings of anxiety or depression?

Mike Fraser: The first thing that comes to mind is to find something that you can control and go with that. The pandemic has taken away our control of so many things, so find something (safe and healthy) that you are able to control and do it. First, I recommend talking about your stress with a family member, parents, friends, colleagues or anyone you trust. It’s important to stay connected with others as best we can. Another thing I recommend--I have already spoken to many people who are doing this--is to make a list of things you want to do to develop yourself. This is especially important for young people. Find a hobby or an activity that does not involve simply staring at a screen (e.g., baking, drawing, dancing, learning an instrument, typing, exercising, learning a new language). Set a goal, make it a part of your day, and work towards that goal every day. This not only gives us a sense of control, but it will fill us with a sense of accomplishment. I told my own kids it would be a shame to be in ‘shut down’ mode with more time on our hands than ever and not emerge from this without growing in some important ways. If you need inspiration, I recommend the book The Master Plan: My Journey From a Life in Prison to a Life of Purpose, by Chris Wilson. This book is about a young man who went to jail at age 17 and made a ‘list’--his plan for self-development while he was in prison. His life was an extreme example of just how much one can accomplish, even when literally imprisoned. I hope this book can help us find perspective and motivation to make our own ‘lists’ for self-development, especially during a time when we might feel locked up.

JP: What does one do if he or she feels like they’re starting to obsess about some of this stuff?

MF: First of all, I think it’s difficult not to obsess about where we are and what is going on. Every time we turn on the TV, radio, or social media, we are bombarded with information about the latest COVID-19 stats on infections, hospitalizations and death. As humans, we are not built to absorb such a constant tsunami of bad news day after day. I would recommend taking a break from the news, especially at night. This is different from completely ignoring the news, which I don’t recommend either, because it’s important to be informed. This brings me to another recommendation. We should try to catch ourselves when we begin to say or do anything ‘extreme.’ Obsessive thinking is extreme thinking. Many of us are also finding that we are showing more ‘extreme’ emotions (e.g., sadness, irritability, impatience). This is completely understandable given what we’ve all been through. The concept of mindfulness, which I mentioned earlier, is about catching ourselves doing this. When this happens, we need to do our best to reign it in and perhaps take a moment or two to step away from a situation and take a breath (or do more focused relaxation breathing). 

JP: How does prayer help? Where does a faith life come into play?

MF: In my opinion, prayer, meditation and mindfulness share many things in common.

They all involve taking time to reflect on our lives, our emotions, our relationships, and our behaviors.

In general I don’t think we do that enough. Everyone prays in their own way and has their

own relationship with God. I think there is great emotional benefit from communicating in this way,

whatever the form of conversation. Setting a time every day to pray helps provide stability,

which the pandemic has certainly taken from us. Prayer allows us to express ourselves--the

positive and the negative--without judgment. An important part of prayer that is also very beneficial is

the act of giving gratitude. There is even increasing brain research on the health benefits when

we search for things in our lives to be thankful for. I believe very strongly, especially when there are

so many negative things going on in the world, in the importance of giving gratitude.

On a personal level, it has helped me greatly to take a step back when I get stressed or frustrated

to reflect on the people and the things in my life that support and enrich me.  

JP: Is it OK to be angry with God? (Asking for a friend…:-) )

MF: That sounds harsh, but I think God can handle it. We were created to feel all emotions and I believe it’s important to be true to our feelings by acknowledging them openly and without judgement. So many people have lost their jobs, loved ones and their whole way of life. With such tremendous loss I can’t imagine how one couldn’t be angry. As a psychologist, I have seen so many people stay stuck in depression, anger and anxiety because they never fully allowed themselves to express their full, true emotions. This also reminds me how important it is to recognize that, as humans, we can also hold multiple emotions simultaneously, and that they don’t necessarily cancel each other out. For instance, one can be angry at their parents and still love their parents. We can have an argument with our friend and still maintain our friendship. In my opinion, this is no different with God. 

JP: How do we hold on to hope?

MF: Staying positive in the midst of this pandemic has been and continues to be our greatest challenge. After our initial lengthy shelter in place, we appeared to be winning the battle against COVID-19 in NYC. Now we hear our numbers are rising again and there is constant talk about an “uptick” and a “second wave.” As I’m writing this, I just learned that my daughter will not be returning to in-person learning at her school until after the new year. She really enjoys going to school to see her teachers and friends, so that represents yet another hit. I am reminded about the Passion and how Christ was knocked down over and over and managed to get back up. How could He? How can we? We can follow His example, and we are reminded of this as we just celebrated the Christmas season. We can have hope that God put sharp minds on this earth to create a vaccine to keep us safe and healthy; hope that our amazing health care professionals can help us through this; and hope that our community of caring, compassionate neighbors will continue to support one other until we finally return to normal. 

Stay healthy everyone. And may God bless you all.

Don't Get in the Way of the Holy Spirit!!

 God is Good, All the Time....All the Time, God is Good....

We say it, we know it, we believe it, some days more than others, but I have to tell you, the Spirit, she is doing amazing things here at St Francis de Sales, and I am in awe of her power!

This past Sunday, the Feast of Christ the King, we had the absolute joy to celebrate the Rite of Acceptance into the Order of Catechumens (** a catechumen is one who is being instructed in the ways of our faith**) for four (4) women who have been journeying with us since the start of our pandemic reality. Two young women first knocked on our actual door in February, and have continued to attend our RCIA sessions via our Monday night Zoom. The other two women figuratively knocked on the door in the midst of these confusing days when the world is upside down, when we see only one another's eye's shining over masked smiles, when we can't hug, can't come into a church building without concerns for time and breath and air flow...these two women, after a few months of inquiry sessions also on Zoom, have asked us to welcome them into our faith.

Four unique women, single, engaged, married, moms, lawyers, artists, business women, educators seeking to follow the call they have heard from our gracious and loving God. They ask to be one with us in faith, at a time when they can't really come to Sunday Mass and worship with us in a safe and healthy manner. How will they get to know who we are? How will they come to understand what it means to be a parish family when we are separated from each other? I wonder how we can best reach out to them?

As we gathered this past Sunday afternoon for the Rite of Acceptance, three women came to church, with their sponsors, one was watching via our new livestream technology from her new home in Georgia. Who would have imagined that we would be connecting with her from such a distance! While we prayed and offered blessings for our catechumens here on 96th St, our sister in Georgia was blessed by and praying with her fiance. She felt connected to us in every way, especially each time we called out her name and waved to her through the new camera mounted under the choirloft. Technology can be such a blessing these days!

When we wonder, when I wonder, what difference does this all make in the lives of these folks, is when the Spirit, well, She goes into overdrive to make me understand how She works.

As we took time to reflect on the experience shared by these four women, each took the time to look deeply at what this ritual meant to them. They spoke of feeling enveloped in the love of God, the gift of taking time to look at and appreciate this call God has offered them, the wonder of taking the time now at this point in their lives, to answer this invitation from their creator. They spoke of tears of joy. They mentioned gratitude for knowing that this journey, while shared with their loved ones, is a journey of faith that is theirs alone. There was such a sense of awe for the mystery of this faith they seek. 

And can I tell you about their sponsors? Usually, in days when we're not fighting a global pandemic, we invite you, our parishioners, to step up and accompany these folks, in prayer and friendship. We ask you to be sponsors for them, a kind of church buddy, someone they can look to for help in getting to know how we live and pray and breath as Catholics. Sometimes it's as simple as sitting with them at Sunday Mass and helping them find their place in the missalette and showing them when to do our 'catholic calisthenics'...you know, when we sit, stand, and kneel...

Alas, we can't ask you this currently, because of safe social distancing. So, in lieu of your pastoral presence with them, we have asked some of their significant others, spouses, fiances, to step up and help them negotiate some of the ins and outs of our virtual worship. We did also invite two of our parishioners who have gone through this same process in the last few years, to step into the role of parish sponsor, albeit from a distance. All of these sponsors were so filled with the Spirit of God last Sunday, and so willing to help their 'person' experience all the love and blessings that God wanted to shower on them. I truly believe our new folks are in excellent hands.

So what is left for us to do as a parish community? Well, I would ask you to do what we do best...pray for these women, and for all our catechumens  who are preparing for sacraments come springtime. Did I mention we also have 4 brand new inquirers, MORE people looking to answer God's invitation to come and follow in the way of discipleship?

A final thought, since we can't gather together on Sundays to welcome and greet our catechumens. Perhaps as a special Advent practice you might consider writing a note of welcome to our new friends? If you're old school like me, it could be as simple as sending a card here to the parish addressed to "RCIA folks" 135 E 96th St, NY NY 10128...and I'll make sure to share your good wishes with them on Monday evenings. If you are comfortable on the computer, drop me an email, same label, "RCIA folks", to jayneporcelli@sfdsnyc.org and I will be happy to share with them. Either way, reaching out with a short note would be a fabulous way of letting these folks know that the parish is aware that they are here, they are with us, they are walking their faith journey in particularly trying times, and we care for and support them with our prayers and good wishes.

So, please keep: Crystal, Cesar, Leslie, Luke, Wendell, Angelique, Mica, Evie, Kristie and Adrian, Kristina, Katrina, Leah and Lucy in your prayers now and in the days to come. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide them and to be with us all as we walk together in faith. As we are so often  reminded these days, 'we don't know what the future holds, but we know WHO holds the future!" May the Spirit of God work through each one of us this Advent season to help the Kingdom come.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oftgdzric3c  click here if you'd like to see what our Covid Style Rite of Acceptance into the Order of Catechumens looked like!!

Pandemic World Sacraments

As we enter into autumn 2020 I'd be lying if I didn't say I feel like spring/summer was stolen from us. Living in NYC during a pandemic didn't allow for all the wonderful spring and summer activities we normally get to participate in. Having to be super cautious about where we went, how we interacted with people, meant not a lot of vacation time. Honestly, it has been mentally and emotionally exhausting. I think I'm stating what we all have felt one way or another. 

I'm extremely grateful therefore to say that these past two weekends at St Francis, we had the joy of celebrating sacraments with our young people. Last week was First Communion and this past Saturday was Confirmation.

This year's confirmation was unique in quite a few ways. Of course, first there was the whole pandemic reality that we needed to factor into how we would celebrate.

Then there was the preparation that this particular class went through in order to come to this day. This class was chosen to enter more fully into their process with guided service activities, prayer and work with some of our neighboring parishes and the chance to create relationships with some young adult sponsors in our parish. 

Finally, on a very personal note, this group of young people are the first group I began working with when I began in the parish seven years ago. Some of them, I've known since they were three years old! (that's another story) What an absolute joy and privilege it has been to work with them and see them grow into such fine young adults. Both Fr Kelly and I were a bit emotional about their Confirmation. We weren't the only ones...I saw quite a few parents quietly wiping away tears.

So, it is with great joy that we welcome these eleven young adults into our community as fully initiated Catholics. We are so proud of you, of who you are, and who you are growing to be as thoughtful caring adults. We know this world you are inheriting is not at all easy to navigate, and we promise to be here to support you. We love you and wish you all God's blessings. Thank you for your example to us. 

In the words of our patron, St Francis de Sales: "Be who you are, and be that perfectly well!" 

Smiling Eyes

Hospitality is a charism we are proud to value as much as we do at our parish of St Francis de Sales. In the past 6 years I have seen this community grow in amazing ways as we continue to look for ways to welcome new folks into our midst.

As we prepare to come back home to in person Sunday Mass this weekend, I find myself a bit nervous. Teasing apart the many reasons why anyone could be hesitant about coming into a building for a large group gathering I am surprised to find it's not the many health related cautions that are my concern, but rather, how to exhibit and share a warm welcome with others as they enter our church with our current restrictions. As you enter with your mask securely in place, and my mask on my face, we won't be able to see each others smiles. We won't be able to shake hands or hug.

In Sunday's Gospel Jesus speaks about how we are to receive one another as if we were receiving God's very self. "Whoever receives you, receives me and the one who sent me".

Maybe this is where we find our clue for how we are to receive one another this weekend.

When you come into the doors of the church tomorrow, I can look in your eyes and know we are gathered together once again as sisters and brothers in God's own heart and home. I suspect for all of us, the joy and anticipation we have about coming together as 'church' once again, will be bubbling over in our eyes and our hearts. Masks will not be able to conceal our happiness.

So, I have, we have, nothing to worry about. In fact, I think our disposition towards hospitality will find many new, creative ways to exhibit itself tomorrow and in the days to come.

As we reflect back over the past few months, we can take time to recognize and grieve for what has been lost. People we love, the ease of travel and access to people and places-how we think about all of this is different now. I encourage us too, to acknowledge and celebrate the many blessings we have discovered as a result of our months of solitude and prayer. We have learned to value the people around us in whole new ways... (or old, like when we were young, family dinners and games  again.) Let us bring both our sorrow and our joy with us as we gather together, both in person and virtually for Sunday Mass tomorrow. There may have been loss, but thankfully there have been blessings too.

I can't wait to see you tomorrow, especially your smiling eyes over your masks!

What Is Your Favorite Type of Bread?

This reflection might be difficult for some of you carb lovers who try so hard to be mindful of where ‘bread’ fits into your daily life;  Le Pain Quotidien as it were…

(A quick aside: we did all know that means ‘our daily bread’ right? Have to admit, that’s a clever name for a bakery!  And you know Corpus Christi means Body of Christ right? Not just the city in Texas...OK, moving on...)

It is no accident that Jesus choose bread as the sign and symbol that would unite and unify his followers. Think about what a universal symbol bread is. Every culture, every ethnic group has its own version of ...bread...white bread, italian bread, french bread, tortillas, matzoh, mantou (China), Naan, pita, puri….and on and on….! Jesus claims he is our living bread!
These days as Catholics who have been forced to stay away from our Sunday celebrations of the Eucharist, many of us have been thinking about how much we miss Communion, both the Eucharist and the time we have with each other at Mass. We have been called to think about ways in which we may be called to BE communion, to be the presence of God to one another, while we are both away physically from one another and at the same time, united in some most profound spiritual ways. We have been in awe and wonder as we realize that God has been present to us in the most amazing moments, if we have the eyes to see. In a very real way we are learning that all of life is sacrament and sacred. Where have you discovered the mystery of God in your life this week? 
Once you see the wonder of God around you, how do you let that change you? If we aren’t changed by our encounter with the Divine, what’s wrong with us? Shouldn’t we be changed in our very heart of hearts, if we truly are seeking God? And if we are changed, then our actions will reflect our change of heart, right? 

I had the privilege Tuesday evening of attending a gathering (virtually, of course) of churches united in their desire to work for the end of the sin of racism in our institutional church. These churches, from different areas of Manhattan, have met over the last few years to educate themselves and their parishioners, on the topic of ANTI racism. I am proud to say that St Francis de Sales has been a part of this endeavor as well. If you’re not sure of how we have been involved, I’d invite you to check out our video offerings on our website to see what so much of the focus of our Pop Up Theology has been. 
The conversation among the wisdom figures in this group quietly spoke to the level of exhaustion that folks are feeling at this moment in time. One person reflected on the image of a race, and said that this work may not be a marathon, but, in reality, more of a relay...with the idea that we need to learn how to pass the baton…
What do we need in order to take care of ourselves when we are exhausted? We need nourishment! In this instance, the food we need, so clearly, is the Living Word of God in our midst, shared with one another. We need to fill ourselves with the truth that we are sisters and brothers, children of one God, who loves all of us, indiscriminately. We are called to be that living bread for one another. We are bread for the world. We are called to stand shoulder to shoulder, arm in arm, (OK, ideologically, if not physically because of social distancing!) and witness to our unity in Christ Jesus.

There are lots of ways to do this, not everyone is called to or feels comfortable just now, in joining a march. That’s perfectly understandable given the last three months of Covad restrictions. Be at peace! 
There are other options available to us; ways to reach out to the lonely, the elderly, the sick, and let them know they are not forgotten. These are days we may choose to make peace with someone we have been estranged from.  We can share what we have with the hungry. We can’t all do everything, but we can all do something!

May Jesus inspire us to be food for one another today. May we be changed by our encounter with our very own Living Bread! May we, in Jesus' name, look for ways to build up and nourish each other, and stand united as witness to all that is good in our world.

The Mystery of Relationships

This coming Sunday we celebrate the feast of the Trinity. Sister Joseph Anita, CSJ was right...it is a mystery. But lots of things are mysteries to me (math for one....) so I'm comfortable with not understanding all of the finer points of this doctrine. What I heard yesterday in a reflection on this topic sticks with me right now: Trinity is about relationship. The loving relationship between the Creator, the Son and the Spirit.

Relationships are vital to our lives as human beings. We grow in community with one another. We thrive in the light of the love we share, the friendships that feed our souls.

Our world is hurting today. Could it finally be that we have reached a breaking point? Are we at last ready to admit that we have failed to care for each other as sisters and brothers in Christ's love?

Racism is a sin that destroys, crushes, kills.

We are called, as followers of Jesus Christ, to live in the light, to speak truth, to love one another.

Any time, in any circumstance, when we treat others as less than ourselves, because they are different from us, we are guilty of the sin of racism. (Or whatever -ism applies in that circumstance)

Really, it's that simple, isn't it?

We've all learned the 'golden rule' treat others as you want to be treated...love one another...
We have found a million ways in our world not to do this.

Oh, consciously we may try, or think we're trying to treat others equally, fairly. Many times, the truth is we are not aware that unconsciously we have all sorts of unknown biases that live in our hearts.

Here is a really small example that was pointed out to me this week: why are 'flesh colored' band aids the color of my particular skin tone? Really small example, huge repercussions.

I am challenging myself this week and moving forward to pay attention to all the many ways the choices I make may break/harm my relationships with my brothers and sisters in my world. I want to be a better Christian Catholic. I want to honor my God by honoring those in our world who have had to fight for fair and just treatment by the majority for the last 400 years.

I invite you to think about your relationships, on this Trinity Sunday, and think about what you want them to be.  May we all strive to make our relationships with one another holy and whole in the light of our Savior.

Can We Talk? No, Really...Can We Have A Graced Conversation?

Easter Season has come and gone, we are ready to celebrate Pentecost, we are in our third month of living in pandemic times, with perhaps a slow opening promised somewhere on a near horizon…

We are forced to confront our human realities still in ordinary time. 

Our country is in turmoil yet again, over another example of brutality over the death of our brother George Floyd. Jesus’ words to the leaders of his day seem particularly poignant to me: “Are you not mislead because you do not know scripture or the power of God?” (Wed. 6/3 readings for daily Mass)

If we take a moment to be honest with ourselves, let those words sink in, isn’t this the root of all our human suffering still today? We don’t know who God is, or trust God’s ability to lead us to life and wholeness. 

We are indeed misled, heck, we’re lost, if we are not rooted in God’s word.

We can get sucked into all sorts of nonsensical arguments like “whose wife will she be in paradise” or if wearing a face covering infringes on my civil rights, or  how oppressed people react when pushed too far…

Should we not rather be concentrating on the truth-

If we believe that the Holy Spirit brings gifts of truth and wisdom and courage … and we hear St Paul’s words that we must let the grace of God burn like a flame in our hearts …

Why are we, at times,  ashamed of this grace, and of this faith that we have been given…

As people of faith, what are we called to do in this moment of unrest? How are we called to stand with our brothers and sisters who are beaten down, having the very breath of life choked out of them, because of the color of their skin?

Honestly, I don’t know the answer for me, let alone, for anyone else. What I do know, is that I can’t be afraid to enter into the conversation. 

I have to ask questions and listen to other points of view. I have to be willing to learn from others who have a different experience and perspective from my own. I have to be open to where the challenge may come from, be it a conversation in a faith sharing group, my young niece, or a comment on facebook that makes me uncomfortable. 

I’m starting to understand that the things that make me uncomfortable are the clues God gives me to see where I need to grow a bit more. Can you acknowledge what part of these horrible stories make you uneasy? 

The disciples and friends of Jesus spent 50 days secluded pretty much in that upper room…doing who knows what…waiting for the courage to go out and begin to share the story of who Jesus was and how he changed their lives. When the re entered their society, their words and actions changed the world!

We have spent something like 90 days in our homes…and as we begin to open our doors and enter into society again…something as terrible as the murder of Mr Floyd occurs. What is wrong with us?  And, honestly my sisters and brothers, what is wrong with us if we are not heartbroken by this tragedy? After 90 days of solitude, time we could have used for growth and prayer…are we ready to change our world? Don't we want our world to be better? 

I know we are not all given to public displays, or civil action, but still…?

If we are not all somehow saddened by the death of our brother, than I do think our hearts are hardened. We are indeed misled, we do not know a thing about our God, who weeps at the death of another one of his children. 

So, maybe the thing is, we need to be honest with ourselves. In our heart of hearts, where is God in the midst of all of this, and where are we? Do we believe that all persons are loved by God regardless of the color of their skin? If we say we believe that, than what, really, in God’s name, are we doing? 

All I know for sure, is that we need to keep talking to one another, asking the Holy Spirit to guide our minds and hearts to ways of peace and understanding. Eternal rest grant George Floyd and our  hearts and prayers for his family.