I can sort of cope with the notion of being called, as scary as that may be. I struggle with understanding exactly WHAT I am being called to do? WHAT am I called to be? I can count with ease the number of times I thought that I knew what God was asking of me, only to be rather rudely surprised by a twist of fate, or a clearer understanding of a situation. And that pesky little "thy will be done" prayer is an easy thing to trip over for sure.
Much of the time I take enormous consolation in that prayer from Thomas Merton, the one that starts: My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not know the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I may think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so...."
The prayer goes on, and in a very human manner states that as long as I am trying to follow God, and God's will for me...that the effort to do so counts, even if I mess up due to my feeble understanding.
Well thank goodness for that! A combination of this prayer and a very humble, "Lord, help me get out of my own way so you can use me to say or do what needs to be done in this situation"...is pretty much how I get through each day.
I know I want to be God's servant. I want to do God's will. Most days, I haven't a clue what that may mean or what it may cost me. But the desire is there, and that counts!
What about you? Do you have the desire, the courage to follow God's will for you? Even if you don't know where that might lead or how to know what that means?
As we move in the new year, perhaps we can pray for each other as we continue this journey and strive to follow God's will for us. We never know where it will lead, but wow, what a ride for sure!